Blood is thicker than wine is sometimes an untrue statement

See, my family is incapable of unconditional love. They prefer not to empathize, or think about people complexly.

They are not my family. They aren't now, and haven't ever been.

But today, an hour before my birthday ends, I am happy to report that I have found a family all my own. They are very weird, and some don't always get along with others. They are a bundle of rage and anger. And they make way too many buttsex jokes.

But they are a family all my own, and I am happy to have spent time with them today.

I May Have Posted This Before- BEDA- Day 11

Once upon a time there was a little girl who worried too much. She worried about things that might happen and things that had already happened. She worried that she had no friends, she worried that she would die one day. She worried about worrying so much.

The little girl kept her worries inside her and when they got very bad they made it difficult to be herself and live a normal life. She sometimes hinted to her mother about her inner life but her mother got cross because she didn’t really understand and because she didn’t like to think that her daughter was unhappy.

Although the little girl came close to not coping with her own mind, a small part of her always stayed rational and strong. With a gigantic effort she fought to keep herself going and used her way of thinking to be the best person she could. She was sensitive and caring and always had hope that things would get better.

Over the years her problems got very bad but gradually faded into the background. The little girl had to accept that this was the type of person she was and she went on to live the best life and be the best person she could while always searching for peace of mind and valuing it when it came along.

Fear of Questions- BEDA- Day 10

Me sitting here today, as a scientifically literate person, (One day, an astrophysist. I hope) has more knowledge of science than Issac Newton did at any point in his life.

Any kid with at least an eighth grade education has more scientific knowledge than Issac Newton. 

Sir Issac Newton likely knew everything there was to know about science in his day.

And most know more.

But these days, that doesn't mean a whole lot.

We've grown into not caring, or even noticing science in our world.

E= mc squared is the most basic science equation for most. Almost everyone knows it. But we, as people, never see it in play. 

And that doesn't matter to the average person.
We can say that science and exploration are our natural instincts, but we don't seem to feel the need to follow them.

Even JFK admitted he didn't care about science. He cared about beating Russia.

When we put a man on the moon, we did it out of fear.

And now we are without a space race, and therefore have thrown ourselves out of the league.

The government makes the decisions of our scientific research as a country, and they clearly  don't put a whole lot of precedence on it.

Sixth-tenths of your American tax dollar funds NASA.

Six-tenths.

We are afraid of questions. We are happy with lingering on the answers because now, we need instant gratification, which the universe can't always grant.

We've stopped asking or wondering.

And now, America has lost it's place as head of science. And I don't think it will ever get that place back.

We have stopped maned space exploration, and it is our first hop back.
And I'm only expecting more from here.

Yeah, Me Too- BEDA- Day 9

Do you ever not understand that world around you?
Yeah, me too.

Teamwork Can Protect You From Invisible Microwaves- BEDA- Day 8

If you want to know what kind of person I am, take that idea from the fact that I was unaware it was Easter until about four in the afternoon.

And then I proceeded to microwave peeps.

Easter's always been a weird holiday for me, because when I was a kid I was so caught between accepting my atheism and acting Catholic like the rest of my family that religion made me very uncomfortable. 

We all used to go to my Grandparents GIGANTIC house and have a huge Easter egg hunt, and I tended to do very well, because at that point in time, I was the youngest. I was little and agile, and my siblings were teenaged and lazy.

I'm also pretty sure they let me take a lot of the eggs.

Anyway, I would eat candy and like my Easter basket, but it always felt empty.

Now, I don't care about Easter.

I microwave Peeps. 

Reasons I Should Be Asleep- BEDA- Day 7

I'm tired

It's late

I never sleep enough

I'm stressed

Reasons I'm not asleep

FREAKING BEDA

Music You Should Be Hearing- BEDA- Day 6

The Most Played Songs on my iTunes:

Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men

When I Decide- My Terrible Friend

We Didn't Start The Fire- Billy Joel

Stay Awake- Julia Nunes

White Blank Page- Mumford and Songs

The Fiction We Present Ourselves With- BEDA- Day 5

Okay, guys. I've had a VERY stressful week, and I really haven't been able to blog.
Sorry!

But, you'll be getting a little more out of me today as I make up for the lack of posts.

Here we go!

Lately I've heard a lot of discussion over books, and media and ideas.

"I read it like it's a book, and so should everyone. If it's just a book than how much affect does it actually have?"
And, at face value, that's true. 

But I think not taking stories to heart is a little more complicated than we realize. 

Humans have evolved into forming 'mental models'. They detail what we see as the normalcy. It give us a structure as to how the world works, and lets us predict what will happen in given situations. It's how we predict the endings of books, and decide if we should tell her that it makes her butt look big, because it'll make her angry.

These models are based on our surroundings, and the things that happen to us, and around us. We take those influences and our minds paint pictures of the order of life and people. 

(Flawed paintings, I might add)

And, naturally, some experiences carry more weight than others. Things that are really unique or unusual, or that have happened more recently, for example.

And we're not so great at distinguishing the differences between what's really happened to us, and the things we've heard stories about. 

And we can account that fact that, more likely than not, most early stories told by humans were about real life.

People told stories about that one time they were picking berries, and their buddy got super sick because he ate one.
Stories, wither or not they actually happen to us, help us understand the world outside of ourselves. 

We can hear a story and incorporate it into our working model of the world.

Now, staying alive isn't our main concern, and is therefore no longer the main point of stories. 

So we started telling fiction stories, but by then the story telling part of our brain was hard-wired.

So now we're stuck with this mental mechanism whereby we can treat fiction with the same weight as non-fiction, and use that to shape our idea of the world.

And this isn't a conscious decision, you can always step away from a story and say it it isn't real, but your self-conscious brain is already there.

You can even look at things and say, "Well, I know that despite this story, girls don't need romantic relationships", but that doesn't stop the part of your brain that forms that expectation. 

And because that's not a part of our minds we always control, we should think more carefully about the media we present ourselves with.

Books I've Read in 2012- BEDA- Day 4

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes- Arthur Conan Doyle

Clean- Amy Reed

Batman: The Killing Joke- Written by Alan Moore, Art by Brian Bolland

It's Kind of a Funny Story- Ned Vizzini 

Superman: Red Son- Written by Mark Miller, Art by Dave Johnson

Psychiatric Tales-  Darryl Cunningham

The Road to Equality- William H. Chafe

Batman: Bruce Wayne: Fugitive Volumes 1-3- Written by Ed Brubaker, Art by Dave Ross

Runaways Volumes 1-3- Written by Brian K. Vaughn, Art by Adrian Alphona

Civil War: Young Avengers and Runaways- Written by Jeb Wells, Art by Stefano Casseli

Hippo- BEDA- Day 3

Hippo. 

I like that shit.

She is fabu, banging, amazing, lovely, talented, brilliant, beautiful, smashing, hot, awesome, mind-blowing, ace, marvelous, and something only her own.
I love you.

My (Brief) Advice to Teenaged Authors- BEDA- Day 2

1. Your writing sucks.
Because writing it re-writing and you do not spew brilliance at the start of anything.
2. Put your work out for people to see.
You'd be surprised at how other people see your work much more objectively than you.
3. Read everything that you can get your hands on.
Even the shitty stuff. Read stuff you hate, find out why you hate it, don't do that.
Read stuff you love, find out why you love it, make that your own.
4. Being bad is mandatory, and can be fun.
Don't expect to be good the first time. You don't rent out a concert hall after three violin lessons. You don't don't get good without being bad first. Laugh and learn. 
5. Your writing won't always suck.
Work hard.
Get better.
We all have work to do. 

I'm Not Sorry- Blog Every Day in April- Day 1

"Stop being so anti-social" 

I'm not sorry for not wanting to go out.

I'm not sorry that I haven't seen you in forever.

I'm not sorry that I'm being quiet.

No, I don't need to talk.

I'm just not built for this. I am not anti-social. I'm just not social by nature.

I spend a lot of time alone. I like being by myself. When I am alone and I can learn, think, breathe at any pace I want. I can react slowly or brashly. I can learn anything given enough time because I am that stubborn. I try on clothes, do quantum mechanics and read comic books. 

Half of my personality is not a big picture person. I like the details. I hold onto things and think about them and wonder freely.

And half of me is laid back and carefree and easy-going. But that part of me is less-prominent and is, unfortunately, not really me.

I am details and analysis. I am depression prone, and I am easily upset. There are so very few people that I can be around for a long time.

I'm not sorry, and I'm not anti-social.

I'm just not made for this. 

Paper Milestones

My world is the written word. My childhood can be marked out in paper milestones: the pride I felt when, at six years old and having exhausted everything available, I was allowed to choose books from the class above me. Stealing novels from my parents’ bookcase and reading them under the sheets at night. Clean, crisp pages. Words.

When I was eleven, reading saved my life. Having moved out of primary school and finding myself totally bewildered by the web of social intricacies I was thrust into, I sought protection in the library every spare moment I had. Desperately unhappy, but lacking the maturity to understand what was happening to me, I found a way to express myself in other people’s language.

Many people have a false perception of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I do not feel compelled to wash my hands any more than is normal, nor do I shower three times a day. While the rituals carried out vary between individuals, my own have always been quite devious: they seek out something I gain pleasure from, and then try to destroy it.

This Year

So, it's been almost a month...

And I am (In February) making the obligatory New Years post.

During 2012 I would like to

Daily:

• Drink eight glasses of water
• Make something with my hands
• Write something for an audience
• Write something for myself
• Go outside

Weekly:

• Go running
• Read/ show a piece of my writing to someone in real life
• Go out with friends
• Call my Dad

And, I may have said I don't have resolutions. And maybe I didn't in January, but I do in March! 

Happy Leap Day, everyone

Mother and Father

My father is the perfect contradiction in terms.

He was a jock. He played football, and softball, and basketball. He was great at all of them. But, he suffered the same tragedy I did, he got hurt and hasn't played much since.

But even before injury, he was an artist.

That’s how my parents met- he was a graphic designer, she a journalist. She crafted the words and he put them together, she the brains and him the bronze.

He drew, and played, and sang. 

He did everything and never stopped to answer any questions. 

I think I got my rushing from him. Wanting to be everything, see everything, go everywhere. That’s all him.

My father, is never happy in one place. His home is in something that can be taken everywhere-

a camera, a canvas, a guitar.

My mother is not that. She is content. Happy.

I am the both-sides of the my father and the nothingness of my content mother.

I guess it works that way sometimes.

What do you title posts without quotes? (People hate emotions)

I think that in these past sixteen days of not blogging I've noticed some things that I had sort of, forgotten about over the year.

I am, and this will be a big surprise if you know me, a stubborn person.

I know, you're floored.

But, I think that one of the traits that goes along with that is guarded-ness.

Everyone has a set list of emotions they don't want to share. Which is fine, I think. If it weren't for that my list contains almost every emotion.

I let a lot of that go around most people, but I never forget it.
As it happens, I don't allow myself to laugh in class. Ever.

That's stupid of me.

But I haven't stopped.

And one of the things that I've really noticed is that the Internet strips a lot of people of some of that.

Maybe it's easier to share your emotions with your laptops, but I'm always a little flabbergasted about the openness of others here.

In real life, it's difficult to talk to others because there's only so much complaining you can do before someone starts to dislike you.

But, here I could complain as much as I want and all you would have to do is click away.

If someone dislikes it, they can go back and read some of mine that they like more. Or they can just never come back.

In real life, I'm all your ever going to get.
I'm a multifaceted person, but not nearly in the way.

Reader, darling, I have to task for you.

Tomorrow, or today, depending on when you read this. No matter you when you read this,   really. Think about your answer when someone (not a stranger- a trusted person) asks how your day was.

Are you being honest?

Why not?