This Year

So, it's been almost a month...

And I am (In February) making the obligatory New Years post.

During 2012 I would like to

Daily:

• Drink eight glasses of water
• Make something with my hands
• Write something for an audience
• Write something for myself
• Go outside

Weekly:

• Go running
• Read/ show a piece of my writing to someone in real life
• Go out with friends
• Call my Dad

And, I may have said I don't have resolutions. And maybe I didn't in January, but I do in March! 

Happy Leap Day, everyone

Mother and Father

My father is the perfect contradiction in terms.

He was a jock. He played football, and softball, and basketball. He was great at all of them. But, he suffered the same tragedy I did, he got hurt and hasn't played much since.

But even before injury, he was an artist.

That’s how my parents met- he was a graphic designer, she a journalist. She crafted the words and he put them together, she the brains and him the bronze.

He drew, and played, and sang. 

He did everything and never stopped to answer any questions. 

I think I got my rushing from him. Wanting to be everything, see everything, go everywhere. That’s all him.

My father, is never happy in one place. His home is in something that can be taken everywhere-

a camera, a canvas, a guitar.

My mother is not that. She is content. Happy.

I am the both-sides of the my father and the nothingness of my content mother.

I guess it works that way sometimes.

What do you title posts without quotes? (People hate emotions)

I think that in these past sixteen days of not blogging I've noticed some things that I had sort of, forgotten about over the year.

I am, and this will be a big surprise if you know me, a stubborn person.

I know, you're floored.

But, I think that one of the traits that goes along with that is guarded-ness.

Everyone has a set list of emotions they don't want to share. Which is fine, I think. If it weren't for that my list contains almost every emotion.

I let a lot of that go around most people, but I never forget it.
As it happens, I don't allow myself to laugh in class. Ever.

That's stupid of me.

But I haven't stopped.

And one of the things that I've really noticed is that the Internet strips a lot of people of some of that.

Maybe it's easier to share your emotions with your laptops, but I'm always a little flabbergasted about the openness of others here.

In real life, it's difficult to talk to others because there's only so much complaining you can do before someone starts to dislike you.

But, here I could complain as much as I want and all you would have to do is click away.

If someone dislikes it, they can go back and read some of mine that they like more. Or they can just never come back.

In real life, I'm all your ever going to get.
I'm a multifaceted person, but not nearly in the way.

Reader, darling, I have to task for you.

Tomorrow, or today, depending on when you read this. No matter you when you read this,   really. Think about your answer when someone (not a stranger- a trusted person) asks how your day was.

Are you being honest?

Why not?

"Cheer up, alright?" December 31, 2011- New Year's Eve

Here’s to the bad things.

The tears and the cringes and the moments you can’t get out of your head.

Here’s to making mistakes

To living and learning and going on even when it’s hard

Here’s to the amazing things

Dancing and singing and eating and gaming

Here’s to the wittiest remarks-

365 of them

Here’s to bad fights

and here’s to letting that all go.

I've never been one for New Years, but I think there are some really interesting things about it. I love the idea that when the clock strikes twelve I will be new again. The parts of me that are hard to adore will be shattered as that ball drops, and I will have a chance.

And so I hope that I spend a lot of time doing what I love. I hope I sing more and write more and love more. I hope that I cry more and that I trust more. And most of all, I hope to learn more. I hope to bother Powell with questions and to have interesting discussions with Hippo and Jacob for the whole year through.

2012, I am not asking anything of you.

2011, "I miss you already!"

Today's rating: 8.8

Listening to: We Are Young- Fun

Currently reading: The Silmarillion- JRR Tolkien

Mostly Played iTunes Song: White Black Page- Mumford & Sons

"Writin' it down, bro" December 30, 2011

1) What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

I blogged everyday!

2) Did you keep your New Year Resolutions?
Yes! I blogged everyday- this being my 364

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, actually.

4) Did anyone close to you die?
Grandmother

5)What countries did you visit?

Nowhere special.

6) What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I'd like to calm down more, and do more of what makes me happy.

7) What date from 2011 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
So, so, so many! June 7th, I'll say because it's the day before Sarah left. Me, Sarah, Hippo and Johnny had the best time, though.

8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I made it through, really. I got through friend drama, and boyfriend drama, and all kinds of things that were majorly stressful and hurtful. But, I did it.

9) What was your biggest failure?

I allowed circumstances to determine my happiness. I left my happiness be dictated by others. 

10) Did you suffer illness of injury?

I got the flu. I really hurt my knees. Nothing too bad, though.

11)What was the best thing you bought?

I bought lots of good things this year! Any thing I bought which I gave as a present. We'll go with that.

12)Where did most of your money go?

Food. No contest.

13) What did you get really, really, really exicted about?
Comic books.
Enough said.

14)What song will always remind you of 2011?
I have a few: Someone Like You- Adele, Moves Like Jagger- Maroon Five, Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen

15)  Compared to this time last year, are you?
happier or sadder - Happier
older or wiser - Wiser
thinner or fatter - Thinner
richer or poorer - Richer

16) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Taking care of myself and doing what's best for me.

17) What do you wish you had done less of?
Being stressed, being upset, being massively angry.

18) How did you spend Christmas?
Anxious as hell, with family.

19) Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes. With music, with learning.

And with some people.

20) What was your favorite TV program?
Quite Interesting! I didn't stumble upon it until November, but whatever.

21)Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a really, really big word in my book. I don't hate anyone. But, there are people I was friends with in December of 2010 that I am no longer friends with.

22)What was the best book you read?
The Book Thief- Marcus Zusak.

23) What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mumford & Sons, Defiance Ohio

24) What did you want and get?
I wanted to make memories. I made them- more than I can count.

25)What did you want and not get?
This is what Buddhists call, 'a question wrongly put'

26) What as your favorite film of the year?
Pirate Radio/ The Boat that Rocked. It didn't come out this year, but it was really important in my year.

27) What did you do on your birthday? 
I spent the day with Hippo, which is always amazing.

28) What kept you sane?
AC/DC, friends, music, writing, reading, learning.

29) Tell a life lesson you learned.
That it's okay not to be okay. That sometimes it does get hard and you don't have to go through that alone.

30) What song lyric sums up your year?

"If you're one of us, then roll with us...

We're dancing like we du-du-du-du-dumb

Our bodies going nu-nu-nu-nu-numb

We'll be forever youn-youn-youn-young

You know we're superstars,

we are who we are!"

We Are Who We Are- Ke$ha

Today's rating: 6.7

Listening to: We Are Who We Are- Ke$ha

Currently reading: The Silmarillion- JRR Tolkien

Mostly Played iTunes Song: White Black Page- Mumford & Sons

"It dries them faster." December 29, 2011

 Dear ex-bestfriend,

Look, okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry and you will never know the bounds of my apologies. I’m not sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry that you’ve had so much hurt in your life. You’re so sad and so upset and I hate that I can’t fix that. And, I’m sorry our friendship ended so abruptly. 

But, I get to see you almost everyday now. And you’re one of my favorites. You make me laugh, and you’ve seen me cry, and I love you. So much.

Much love,

Liz

Today's rating: 5.5

Listening to: White Blank Page- Mumford & Sons

Currently reading: The Silmarillion- JRR Tolkien

Mostly Played iTunes Song: White Black Page- Mumford & Sons

"My Little Pony?" "My Little Pony." December 28, 2011

There had always been this thing inside me that wanted to prove myself. In everything- in school, at work, at home. Everything in life, I’ve always wanted to do, and do it well. I’m very bad about validating myself on these kind of things. Because of this, I was always telling myself that I didn’t need my meds.

After almost a month off of them, I can safely tell you that I need them. Badly.

I hate, hate, hate thinking that I’m dependent, per se, on my meds. Not addicted, or anything. Just knowing that I’m not as strong as I told myself I would be. Meds aren’t helpful, they’re necessary. 

So, I mostly stopped taking my meds because I didn’t want to refill my prescription after I lost them. (Long story.) But, there was also that added benefit of the adventure of seeing how long I could go without them. I just wanted to know. I’d always wanted to stop taking them and see if anyone would notice.

They did.

And I think the thing I hate the most about this is that people did notice. They so noticed, and they worried. I had a panic attack in Powells room. Powells room! I have just been reliving that memory since it happened because I feel horrible. I thought I had a handle on this. I can’t believe I lost control like that.

I am a big kid. I can take care of myself.

I’m sorry.

Today's rating: 8.0

Listening to: Bad Kids- Black Lips

Currently reading: The Silmarillion- JRR Tolkien

Mostly Played iTunes Song: Little Lion Man- Mumford & Sons