"Cheer up, alright?" December 31, 2011- New Year's Eve

Here’s to the bad things.

The tears and the cringes and the moments you can’t get out of your head.

Here’s to making mistakes

To living and learning and going on even when it’s hard

Here’s to the amazing things

Dancing and singing and eating and gaming

Here’s to the wittiest remarks-

365 of them

Here’s to bad fights

and here’s to letting that all go.

I've never been one for New Years, but I think there are some really interesting things about it. I love the idea that when the clock strikes twelve I will be new again. The parts of me that are hard to adore will be shattered as that ball drops, and I will have a chance.

And so I hope that I spend a lot of time doing what I love. I hope I sing more and write more and love more. I hope that I cry more and that I trust more. And most of all, I hope to learn more. I hope to bother Powell with questions and to have interesting discussions with Hippo and Jacob for the whole year through.

2012, I am not asking anything of you.

2011, "I miss you already!"

Today's rating: 8.8

Listening to: We Are Young- Fun

Currently reading: The Silmarillion- JRR Tolkien

Mostly Played iTunes Song: White Black Page- Mumford & Sons

"Hippo and Jacob used double team, it's super effective!" "Liz used splash, it wasn't very effective" November 17, 2011

There’s nothing like anxiety. The hyper-awareness you get. Suddenly you know every movement. Every breath in and out, every moment. The feeling like your body could eat itself from the inside out. And that’s what anxiety does, it rips every last fiber until you’re hanging on by your last string and that’s all you have. And you can’t even focus on that, because your mind is racing and your head is in your hands and there’s nothing you can do but hope. But hope’s not enough.

Today's rating: 5.4

Listening to: White Blank Page- Mumford & Sons

Currently reading: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R Tolkien, The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck Mostly Played iTunes Song: Anxious and Worrying- Defiance Ohio

NaNoWriMo word count: 17, 524

"Also, I read 'the hell' as Avril Lavigne sang it." October 27, 2011

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Dr. Seuss

I'm going to take a break from my horrid NaNoWriMo stress and talk about the people I love. 

It's no secret that I'm under a lot of stress right now, and whenever that happens my body goes, "No. Fuck you. Here, have some kidney problems. Oh, and some OCD and panic attacks. And let's through in trichotillomania, and why not some weight loss and sleep-loss. Yeah. That's good."

And I for some reason that I don't understand, my friends stick through this. I know. I guess it's because they're as screwed up as me. 

I've been trying to make an effort to tell the people that I appreciate how much I appreciate them more often.

Austin, Sarah, Johnny, Jacob, Powell and the team, Hippo

Ryan, Rissa, Adam, Bailey, Catherine

You care a whole awful lot

I love you so much.

Thank you. 

You're my family, and I am so, so lucky.

Today's rating: 5.3

Listening to: Gimme Gimme- The Glee Project cover

Currently reading: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R Tolkien, The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck
Mostly Played iTunes Song: Tennessee- Theo Hilton, Toby Foster, and Ryan Woods

NaNoWriMo prewriting progress: Moderate

"What if you did Hippo, John and Jacob things in front of my mother?" October 21, 2011

Day 22 - If you’ve participated in or won NaNo before, what happened to your other novel efforts? Still in the revision process/querying publishers/scrapped it immediately/etc...

They sit. Sometimes, I edit them. But pretty much I just look at them sit on my laptop.

Today's rating: 7.2

Listening to: Freaky Friday (Movie)

Currently reading: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R Tolkien, The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck
Mostly Played iTunes Song: Tennessee- Theo Hilton, Toby Foster, and Ryan Woods

NaNoWriMo prewriting progress: Meh