Seize the day.
There's this moment after someone dies where you don't want to think, or feel. Your brain can't contemplate the fact that someone, a whole person, is completely gone. I remember the first time I had to deal with this, it was when Micheal Jackson died. I didn't care much about him when he was alive, but it was the first time where somebody I had heard of had died, and I have old enough to be told and understand that. And I remember when JD Salinger died, and having to think about the world loosing one of it's best, and most hurt, minds. And wondering if he was ready, if he wanted to go.
I didn't have a personal gravel with death until the summer. When Esther died, I was pulling an all-nighter, and I randomly logged onto Twitter for the first time in months. Shawn of the Uncultured Project had tweeted about it. And at first I didn't believe it. No body wants to believe they've lost someone. But the most I checked, the more clear it became. I remember Tumbling and Daily Boothing in search of somebody to talk to. Nobody I knew in real life knew her, and everyone was sleeping. It was 3:00 am when she passed on the 25th of August, 2010, just eighteen days after her sixteenth birthday.
And you'd think after all of that I'd be better equipped to handle death again. But with Esther, I was alone. At least in real life, and now I have to see it's effect on my mother, and siblings, my grandparents. And I have to act like I'm okay. Death is so different in real life. It takes people by their hinges and rips them apart. After loosing a person, nobody knows how to act. You're not okay, and you don't want to talk about it. But before you can move on, you have to take death and and show it that you can put yourself back together. Just give it time.
Mood: I don't even know guys. Nobody really does at times like this.
Listening to: Gerudo Valley from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Last thing I ate: Pizza and franch fries for dinner.
Last thing I drank: Diet Pepsi.
Currently reading: The Last Book In The Universe by Rodman Philbrick
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