Sunday, February 27, 2011

"I love you more than all the rain drops, more than all the sea shells, more than all the crummy rock jokes, more than all of the stupid teachers, more than all of the universes and time lines you, as the Doctor, have been a part of, more than all of the pointless homework, more than all of the stupid, high school boys, more than all of Austins funny faces. I love, adore, idolize, dote upon, am enthralled, am dazzled, am stupefied by you" February 27, 2011

 Today wasn't a total fail. I thought it would be, but Hippo made it so much better. I hope she doesn't mind m using her quote. anyway, here's why I thought today would be bad: (From a Sykpe with Hippo)
 I hate everything. I hate me. I hate that I have to live with my lies everyday. I hate that I'm so whiny and that I just constantly throw stones in my own glass house. I hate that I don't live up to what I should and I hate thinking that because no body can change it but me. I hate that all I think about is Gunnar and I hate how yours, mine and Sarah's friendship is like we're an awkward love triangle that never talks with the terrible lack of communication. I hate that you go along with Jackie  being a bitch behind my back because I'd stick up for you even if you were wrong. I hate  how shitty Mr. Gass makes me feel every class and how even if I were to tell him, he wouldn't care. I hate that I'm even honest with myself anymore and I hate that Devin called me a dyke and I didn't even stand up for myself because I didn't care anymore. I hate that I hardly see my dad and I hate that this heart attack even had to happen. I hate how much burden I caused for everyone around me and I hate how betrayed I made Gunnar feel. And I hate that there's so much I want to say but I don't know how and I hate that I'm so angry sometimes that I just cry in the middle of classes and make people think that I'm crazy. I hate that I ever considered cutting again because of all of this even if it would hurt so many people and I hate that this is a goddamned run on sentence. I hate that expectations of me are so high that sometimes I can't handle them but I force myself to anyway. I hate how mean I can be to people who don't deserve it. I hate that nerdfighteria can't be what it used to be for me and that the nerd fighters have just started to feel phony. I hate that I feel Holden Caufelid all the time in the worst ways possible but I don't know what to do anymore and I'm too little to accept help on anything.
And lastly, I hat that there's so much more I could have put on this list.
Today I saw: So much Pokemon. I clocked in 6 hours between yesterday and today.
Today I heard: Hippo's voice, via phone this time.
Today I:
EDIT: March 05, 2011
Apparently I spaced and didn't finish my senses...
Oops.

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